When You Don’t Quite Fit: Neurodivergence, Friendship and the Teenage Years
Why friendship, masking and school can feel exhausting for neurodivergent teenagers, and how adults can support them without asking them to change who they are.

The therapy journal
Thoughtful, practical writing about therapy, neurodiversity, relationships and emotional wellbeing — making sense of why we think, feel and behave the way we do.Therapy should fit the person, not the other way around.
23 articlesExplore by theme, or take your time with everything.
23 articles across all themes
Kate explores why downtime can feel unsettling with ADHD or autism, the guilt around rest, and how to find recovery that fits your needs.
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Why friendship, masking and school can feel exhausting for neurodivergent teenagers, and how adults can support them without asking them to change who they are.
Kate explains what happens during EMDR, its strongest evidence for PTSD, how it may be used with other difficulties, and adapting therapy to the person.
Kate explains how IPT connects emotional wellbeing with relationships and life changes, and why she values a neuroaffirming approach.
CBT is not about forcing positive thoughts or dismissing real difficulties. Kate explains how collaborative, neuroaffirming CBT can make room for choice.
Trying to solve every imagined situation can feel like preparation. Sometimes self-belief means trusting yourself to respond when there is something real to respond to.
Repeatedly reviewing a decision can leave us less confident in our own judgement. Self-trust can mean allowing some doubt and trusting our ability to respond.
Rest, reflection and recovery are not rewards we have to earn. Sometimes they are the intervention our mind and body need most.
There is no right way for a child to finish the school year. Connection matters more than celebration, and feeling understood matters more than looking happy.
The same day can cost two people very different amounts of energy. Understanding what empties and refills your jug is more useful than self-blame.
Belonging is not about becoming the version of you that others find easiest. It is finding people who value the person already there.
An anxious brain can treat uncertainty as danger. Learning to tell threat from discomfort can loosen the cycle of avoidance and reassurance.
A perspective from the front line on ADHD and autism assessment, access, clinical experience and patient need.
New research may change how we explain attention difficulties in ADHD and help shift the conversation from blame to understanding.
EMDR can help people process experiences that feel stuck, allowing old beliefs, fears and emotional wounds to shift.
Imposter syndrome may be less of a confidence issue and more of a calibration problem, especially for neurodivergent professionals.
IPT was not designed for autism, but some of its principles can help when applied with care, flexibility and respect for neurodivergence.
Not every difficult behaviour is a warning sign of danger. What might we lose when we constantly scan for the first sign of discomfort?
The consistent version of us is there. It just shows up in the right conditions. What conditions help you work at your best?
A diagnosis can bring relief and understanding, while an old story of self-blame quietly remains. Therapy can help separate the two.
CBT helps us notice how thoughts, feelings and behaviour connect, then gently make room for another way of seeing the situation.
CBT can work really well for neurodiverse people, but only when we stop trying to make neurodiverse brains fit neurotypical models.
Wellbeing is shaped not only by big changes, but by the small moments of pleasure our attention usually moves past.
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